In the ground foundations of our consciousness, lies a fear. There’s always a fear. Sometimes it’s suppressed, sometimes we’re aware of it, but it’s always there.
It comes in all shapes and forms – the fear of not being loved, the fear of be abandoned by our beloved, self criticism, hurt ego and many others.
We can be 80 years old but still the five year old child’s fear nesting in our soul and dictating our lives, emotions and actions as a result.
They say we fear from the stories we tell ourselves. Instead of denying the stories, we should try to listen more carefully. The fear comes up for a good reason, a wise action would be to understand the reason.
I’ve decided to dive again into a musical project that I’ve been working on for the last four years, on-off.
It was already near the finish line, ready to be recorded. Then I noticed I’m uncomfortable with it. My body, which is my radar, sent me the signals that I wasn’t being authentic. So I stopped running and went back to the start.
I tried to look at the inauthenticity and tear it apart in order to understand what’s going on there. And after four years, there it was – fear. I could have guessed it, but I didn’t nor I wanted to guess. I wanted the understanding to raise up from the bottoms of the soul, by itself, naturally, in its time. So there it is, I’m afraid.
This fear is energy, and it can be a good and productive energy, or a destructive energy, that in its turn – would lead to a constructive and vital force. I’m trying to pay attention to my breathes, feel the tension in my body, and go back to work on it. If the fear is so big, there must be something there, the music just has to be written. Fear is the opportunity, and as John Cale, it’s our best friend.